Tuesday, November 28, 2006

That thing called LOVE....

Reading through a friends blog got me thinking....
Love.... I have already posted on LOVE.... love for my son... a feeling I had never experienced before... love for my mom and brother and also my close telepathic bond with my mother-in-law....
And ... thought .. that it was time I spoke about the other kind of love is feel.... for this man in my life ... who for 40 % of the time drives me mad...for 10% of the time has me in splits...for 10% of the time lets me take his trip...for 40% of the time touches my heart with the care he takes of me and our son...
When I think of the pros and the cons.... well... despite the cons together seeming a lot and the pros being spread over three heads....I can negate the cons...without blinking an eyelid.
Ours is an arranged match.... we felt no such love-shove for each other before we met.. actually the only things we had in common ( discussed over a chat session after we had been formally(virtually..actually) introduced via family) were bacardi...well!! yes ... the alcohol and that we were foodies....
Each of us made a list of 10 best eateries we had visited... and had a matching list of 9 on 10....quite something I have been told by many people....
I didnt even know what he sounded like.... our only form of communication had been a few emails and smses...
So when I told him that I hadnt even heard his voice....( he by the ways didnt seem to want to hear mine....)... what does he do..? he calls me up immediately... and that too from some god forsaken place called Malda....and what does he say?... HELLO ..... am calling you from Malda... do I pass the sound check ?.....and after that silence........he didnt say anything else....I think the cat got my tongue as well... coz neither did I....

However .... that was the beginning of our courtship... both of us realised we wanted to say a lot ... but couldnt do so over the phone.... we either had to do it face to face or via a written media... even today.... most of our communication .....fights or mush happen via sms .

The first time he wrote to me ..was quite hilarious... and I have recounted this story hazaar times... He wrote.... I have been asked to write to you... Here is a little about myself...1) I own more books than clothes 2) Will grow bald by the time I am 30 ( he was 28 then) 3) I like to sleep on sundays and dont shave on that day as well.

I remember how much I smiled when I read this.. I was very amused... and thought... ok here is a honest and interesting man....
The reason I smile when I think of this even today is... the poor man ,I am sure never ever imagined.. that his Sunday sleep would be a part of history.....
coz firstly his wife was a morning person... she wakes up even today at 6 am....and would wake him up too... in the early days of marriage ..ahem !! sweetly.... then later... by calling him from the other room on his phone after getting bored watching the morning news for the 10th time....then by cracking it..... as in sitting next to him in bed and calling the world to catch up and chat on the phone.....or by cooking delicious breakfast and luring him out of bed.....
To make matters worse... he had a brother-in-law who would call on the landline...( which could not be put on silent..lol) which was kept on the bedside table next to him and yell.."Happy Sunday!!!"(Needless to say his in-laws were all morning people like his wife...)
The icing on the cake has happened since he has become a father....his son too takes after his wife......so apart from waking up his Dad at 5 am.... he demands to be cleaned at 5 am as well..... a very very plesant way to start the day.....
Poor guy....

The other thing is that he hasn't as yet gone bald.... though I know he will someday.. as it is hereditary.... but well... not yet....
He by the ways nowadays is compelled to shave on a Sunday as well.... coz thats when we go out socialising and he has to look presentable....right?
The only thing he has been able to maintain is ...Yes.. his collection of books still outnumbers the numbers of clothes he has ... but well only just about.... thanks to his now living in the same city as most of his -in-laws... and he is perpetually being showered with gifts which are either books or clothes....
His love for books, Ray and The Big B....drives me sometimes..MAD.....sometimes makes him all the more lovable.....
Every shopping spree ....begins and ends in a bookstore... so earlier whenever he was with me.. i would never get any of my own shopping done... ( so now i do those without him and go and browse ( i love it too actually) at Teksons or Om bookstore every second and fourth Saturday...his days off...
Every Saturday night incase we were home and doing nothing but watching TV.... he very sweetly controls the remote and in the commercial breaks of something I want to watch he snatches bits and peices of... "shanivaar ki raat Amitabh ke saath".....His telling.. me .." Buri....5 mins... let me just let me hear Amitabh say this dialogue.....please.." and then repeating the dialogue with the Big B himself....with a look of adoration and marvel.....have me rolling my eyes...but smiling on the sly..
I think he must have gone and stood outside Lilavati hospital when Amitabh was sick.....actually I think he must have stood at his office window and prayed....( his office was by chance just behind the hospital).....
Once ...very soon after we were married... I was surprised to find him ringing the doorbell at 4 pm.... it seems he was sitting in Office and going through the Sholay dialogues in his mind( yes.. most people do just that at work .. i know...!!!!!) and couldn't remember one dialogue..so he came home to see his DVD and remember it...
He has this friend... who is an even bigger fan of The Big B...and so one night when he was over the both of them decided to watch "SHAAN"...which incidently i hadn't seen either.... well.. I still haven't seen it... cos .... before the film began .. i had to sit through their analysing the film and telling me how it was the most "Fundoo" film....and how the opening sequence which gives all the credits... as made like how the BOND films were shot..... etc....Whatever little I saw of the film did not have Amitabhs voice......or for that matter .. it was silent... these two.. were doing the dubbing....when they started telling me... what would happen next.... I decided to leave the room and them to some time alone with their idol... their god!
Satyajit Ray......well... The husband has taught me to watch,understand and appreciate cinema at its best.... I now can truly thank him for introducing me to Ray the way one should be......I watch his films from our collection whenever I get the time.... not only Rays films ..even his short stories of Feluda and other detective stories... most of which i had read earlier....were rediscovered by me ....and ... had me fascinated through out my pregnancy..
I remember him browsing in a bookstore and finding a coffee table book on Ray .... looking at it longingly...turning it over and looking very sadly at the price..... he put it down...and walked away.....his look when he unwrapped his birthday gift from me.... assured me that I had gotten him the right gift.....needless to say..he spent his entire birthday with the book...
He has these two huge coffee table books actually three... his most favourite... one on the Big B ...this one on Ray and one on Van Gogh.... which he dusts every saturday...browses through and returns them to their place in his bookshelf very lovingly with a look which could say..." untill next week my sweets..."..He refuses to let me keep them on my coffee table.. despite them being Coffee table books..
I am a very vocal person..... I say what I want to...to whom I want to and when I want to ..... the Husband isn't like that.... specially when it comes to expressing emotions....one such emotion is Love..... I don't think he has ever told his parents that he loves them.... I dont think he has ever told anyone he loves them..( except may be... me... that too after I threatened to leave him if he didn't say those three words..LOL) .
He however has different ways of showing his love.....and for me those are very very special...
My first birthday after we were married... apart from giving me some regular gifts ...like books , CDs etc..... he had a friend of his cut me a CD with a song specially sung for me...... the words.. bring tears to my eyes ......he got everything right....Love was just him walking by my side......( he won brownie points.... by the ways with all my friends .... who when they heard ..looked at their poor husbands who had..... despite buying them diamonds......fallen short..LOL).
He suddenly disappeared in a Barista leaving me sitting alone...fuming ...only to hand me a package when we were leaving.... he got me a coffee mug... which said..... "Whisper those three special words.....Here's Your Coffee..." giving me a look which only I could read....
He would rub cocoa butter on my belly and back during my pregnancy every night....
Even today....he rocks his son to sleep when he wakes up at night... just so that I can get some sleep....
Cleans his sons lil bottom with utmost care without complaining even once.....never mind what time of the night it is.....
He looks in on my ailing grandmother on his way to work..
Adores my mom and keeps buying her books..... he even despite his very busy schedule finds time to bring print outs of something or the other ... she needs.....( after both my brother and I have told her to go and climb gumtree....)..He patiently listens to my mother repeat her self...again and again...always asks if we should ask my mum to come along when we make plans to go out to dinner... knowing she would be alone at her place.....with my brother at work...
Sweetly he has changed from being a recluse to being a social person..... ( shocking his parents as well).....He never complains about the hoards of my relatives who keep dropping by..... or the number of dinner invites we keep receiving from family......my extended family..when I know he would much prefer to cuddle up with a book instead...
His telling his lil son.... who demands my attention all the time....Hey!! Buddy I was here first.....!
His look of despair and heartbreak when his little son yells when he picks him up and continues to bawl untill I quieten him down......breaks my heart and makes me leave my son and hug him with all my might.....reassuring him that his son doesn't realise what he is doing and yearns for him as much he does for me........
When I look into the future.....I can see him taking his son to see his first film.... reading him stories in Bengali.....teaching him the Sudoku.....helping him with his Math .....and weekend trips to the bookstore...... never saying no to a treat and eating out....
If all this is not Love ...then what is.....?????

6 comments:

the mad momma said...

aww... you know i love your husband too... (ok dont glare at me!!!) he is a sweetie and that is obvious... you chose well...

funny that bit of wanting you to himself.. the OA often tells his son that he came first and has first dibs on me.

Minal said...

Love is truly in moments and I 2 have a huge list of similar stuff.
:)

Kim said...

Hey trishna,

That email with those 3 pts sounds exactly like what Dipta would do. He's a really sweet guy. I'm so happy for the 3 of you.

A little sorry that I didn't get a chance to spend time with u guys when we were in Hyd at the same time, but with our constant transfers I'm sure there will be another chance.

I like the way you write & will b back often :)

lots of good thoughts & blessings to your little baby.

The Inquisitive Akka said...

Yup that certainly sounds like love :)

Prakriti said...

Just spent the last hour on your blog, and loved this post to bits! Just something about beautiful love stories, I guess!

Housewife Blues said...

Very touching blog :-) Hope Dipta's influence rubs off a bit on Nilendu too lol.