Saturday, April 21, 2007

It's my choice...and am happy....

I haven't written for a while .. now... I keep planning to write ..but something or the other always seems to come up.... and I forget ....
I have been meaning to write on a particular issue for quite some time.... something I read on a friend's blog..got me all charged up.... I just had to write after that....
The issue is about Stay at Home Moms and Working Moms.....
I have been reading a lot on these topics lately and also sitting in on conversations and discussions.... I have worked non stop for 4 years ... and now since I have been pregnant with Joy I have been a SAHM.....
I stopped work in October 2005...actually even before I conceived Joy.. it wasn't planned .. it just happened... We had just moved and I was settling in to a new city and the month I started circulating my resume and scheduling meetings ..was also when I realised I was pregnant ..... hence work went onto a back burner coz I just felt it wouldn't be ethical to join a place and then go on maternity leave....( actually who would appoint a pregnant woman anyways....)

Ok.. to get back to the main topic... I now am home with Joy.... I enjoy my time with him... but I also enjoyed my time at work... I teach and so my work anyways entails interaction with children.....
The husband knows this and realises that even though I am enjoying my stint at home ... I am also looking forward to going back to work....
I keep reading about how moms are "sacrificing their lives " for their kids when they stay at home.....and also the flip side.. of how there are moms who feel guilty leaving their kids and going back to work.....

Everyone seems to be justifying their actions... Why?
If you are a SAHM .... you have chosen to be one.... If you are a working mom ... its coz you have chosen to be one... be it for some compulsions ... or whatever..... !!!!
Why does one need to justify their actions.... ? As long as the decision you have taken is yours and by yours I mean a family decision... no one needs to be given any reasons for it....

The husband and I from day one ..have known .. that I would go back to work in a year or so after our baby was born...
not for financial reasons.... (thank god.... for that....) it has never been a concern..we make do with what we have ... The husband and I have been sensible with our finances... Yes... we do splurge.. pretty often that too...but thats cos we want to....we both love food ... we love travelling and don't compromise on our budgets for that....we both love the good life....but we also know what we can do and what we cant.... for eg : we bought a small car... not coz we couldn't afford a big one.. but cos... we didnt need one at that point...we will now buy a bigger car... cos we need it... with a baby and his paraphenelia as well with me going back to work....its a necessity...
I will go back to work for myself.....I can hear people saying .."How selfish!!" Fine , think what you want to....It's my decision and I don't care what others think.....
I love my son... and I don't feel that by going back to work my love for him will become less or that by spending every hour with him will make him realise how much I love him.... I am sure he will love me and I him even if I went to work for 5-6 hours a day.... Someone said.. it was all ok for me .. as the work I did was just for half a day and not like others who have full 9-5 jobs... well.... it doesn't matter how many hours I work.... or stay at home.. as long as I can ensure that my child is in safe hands and happy ,I am fine....
My mom worked through out our childhood and still does...and I am glad she does..... I am sure I would have been glad even if she didn't.... It is completely her decision..
We never had problems with her working.... I sometimes .. hear my friends complain that they never saw their moms and that they were looked after by the servants...

Well.. my brother and I have always seen Mom going to work...but she was always there when we needed her....even if she wasn't there physically she could be contacted when ever required.. we too were left with servants... they were more like family members for us... some of them are still with the family and are actually looking after the next generation ..as in our kids now....

Another friend told me .. that by staying home .. she was ensuring that she would be there to watch her child take her first step.. or say her first words...I am home right now and Joy has started saying a few things... and let me tell you ... they have always been in front of someone else... when I have either gone to the loo or am on the phone....the first time he crawled was while we were on vacation...
So I guess its the way you look at things.....

If going to work is making me happy then in some way or the other it will make my child happy as well.... I have never come back from work in a bad mood... in fact I have always come home very very satisfied and rejuvenated.... and I think Joy will want a Mom who is in a good mood... and not a grouchy and irritable one .. like I am sometimes.. after a trying day with him....or after supervising the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning......
I have delegated all these tasks now.. so that they are all taken care off to my satisfaction and am very happy....

This brings me to another conversation I had with a few friends.... on how their husbands had put their careers on a slower pace just so that they could be with their kids for everything.... This is one thing which is very personal.....
The husband loves his job..... he too comes home after a full day of work... looking forward to the time he will spend with his wife and son.... His work makes him travel often....and I have never tried to put a stop to it .... if thats what his work entails ..then he has to travel....If his work makes him move cities ...then we will move with him till it becomes difficult...... before we got married ... I decided to change careers and chose to teach so that I could move with him whenever required.. I have never cribbed about what I had to do.. it was my decision....and am happy with it...
One of the reasons , we work is also to provide for a better future for our children... provide them with some kind of security ..our parents gave that security to us....made us stand on our own feet and then let us be..... we aim to try to do at least that.
I am always being told that the love and affection that a child gets from a mom who is home all the time is different... how so?
It's the way each of us perceive our roles as parents.... it's the way we want to bring up our child... it's our decision.....and that is that...!!!
The bottom line is that .... Its a personal choice.... to each their own.....you have made a choice ..be positive about that choice if its what you think is the best choice...
why the slanging match ? and
why the comparison ? and
why the debate?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

can see your viewpoint.
Well, I'm not a mom...so not even entering the debate. But from where I see, I think the debate is sortof a way for each person to reassure themselves of the decision. Even if we think we made the right decision, sometimes something may cause us to re-evaluate (which is not a bad thing really)
If someone makes an insensitive comment, people vent (again..what are blogs for? :)) which lands up sounding like a debate.

Bottomline should be...if you make a decision...it's your choice. Just don't call me an idiot cos I decided otherwise!

PS. The "you" was a general address...not directed to you specifically :)

SS

Trishna Chaudhuri said...

thanks....

The Mad Momma said...

ahem! 'a friend's blog'? which friend's blog?! :p

Piper at the gates of dawn.. said...

hey verry cute pictures. you have a cute lil angel thr :-) and yes, as for yr earlier query, my husband was at Jadavpur with yr husband, although i dont think they were close pals or anything. keep writing. i love to read yr blogs :-)

GettingThereNow said...

Exactly!!

Trishna Chaudhuri said...

piper at the gates of dawn : yes ... I asked the husband ... and figured that i had mistaken you for someone else... anyways.. am glad you visit my blog and like what i write.... keep reading.

Poppins said...

Ditto Ditto Ditto. And that's the last post I'm reading about SAHM vs WOHM :-) Came here from your comments on MM's post on preschool. (Aside: Is KK that good? Isn't it hoity-toity -SRK, filmy types?)