Ever since I can remember I have heard legendary stories from friends and family about what they went through when they were pregnant. These stories had versions from both the women and the supposed ever-suffering husbands.
Being plump all my life, I have been waiting for the time when I could eat anything I wanted and in whatever quantities I wanted - without going on a guilt trip. All those stories - about cousins and friends putting on 10-20 kgs and no one batting an eyelid - was like a dream to look forward to.
Alas! They always say don't wish too hard, it may not happen to you. That's exactly what I am discovering, now that i am in that fantastic state. I think i just wished too hard.
Here is a list of stories i have discovered to be myths.
(The Husband, in his blog, has written about this as well. But he calls them truths - HE IS LYING!!!)
Myth 1: "You will never feel better than when you are pregnant" or "It's the best time of your
Truth: Yeah! Sure... I have been sick for the past 8 months. My closest friends have been
the potty, the sink and the bathroom floor. Yes, in that order (depending on which one I can reach first). I have never felt more embarrassed in my life when a sneeze or a cough or even a bout of laughter has me running to pee.
Myth 2: "Your skin will glow and your hair will be like never before"
Truth: The first part is a lie. My skin has darkened and become oily. (Maybe that's the
"glowy" bit) My nose has bloated up like a cauliflower floret. The second part, I agree with. My hair is like never before - in both quantity and quality. It has gone limp and is looking like a rat's tail.
Myth 3: "You will love spicy and tangy food"
Truth: Well, true. As in sort of. I have always liked spicy and tangy food, but the question in these past few months has been how much can I keep down? Truth - not much!
Myth 4: "Your cravings will drive people crazy"
Truth: What cravings??? I haven't had any. The Husband must really be a lucky man. I have
had no mid night cravings for chocolate fudge ice-cream or a Big Mac at 4 a.m. No cravings for pickles and golgappas. None for chocolate. Nothing!!!
Actually much to The Husbands despair - none for kebabs and biryani as well, which would have delighted him and let him hog at my expense.
Myth 5: "People will be kind to you on the street and in public places"(After all, no one wants to get on the wrong side of a pregnant lady... right?)
Truth: WRONG!!!!!! Well, okay - despite being in my 8th month, I dont look it. But the stomach is definitely there. Come on! People will have to be blind not to notice. And I don't care if people say I could have been much much bigger, coz they were. Please people - I have always been round. So its really not my fault that I am not showing too much at this stage of pregnancy. There is nothing I can do about it.
And talking about people being polite - The incident which left me stunned was at a Cinema near home. The previous show hadn't ended and so we were waiting outside in the lobby. Spying an empty seat, I waddled towards it and eased my self into it. Much to my horror, another couple walked up and said that the seat was their's and they had just gotten up to throw their coffee cup in the garbage bin. They literally demanded that I get up from their seat. I was so stunned and shocked that i kept looking at them with my mouth opening and closing like a fish. Finally, when they did'nt budge, Ihad to get up. Can you all imagine that?
Myth 6: "Listen to the kind of music you want your child to appreciate"
Truth: This one is funny - it was proved wrong by another friend. She was told the same
gospel and so, being the enthu cutlet that she is - listened to hours and hours of western classical music - Chopin, Mozart , Brahms and the like.
She has a 15-month old daughter now - and guess what gets the li'l kid rocking? Himesh Reshammiya!!!
LOL - You should see my friend's expression when she sees her daughter swinging to the tunes of "Aashik Banaya..." and "I love you oh! Sayoni... Koi Shakh? Whats up?"! LOL!!
I got a call from my mother-in-law as well during Rabindra Jayanti and like all cultured Bengalis she advised me to listen to Rabindra Sangeet so that the li'l one would also get initiated into the culture. Poor thing was horrified when I told her my friend's experience.
Myth 7: " What you read and what you see has an impact on the child"
Truth: I don't know about this one. I have always been a die-hard romantic. One of my favourite books - much to The Husband's despair - has always been Pride and Prejudice. I even made him buy me the 6 part BBC version with that hottie Colin Firth (The latest one with Kiera Knightly is pathetic in comparison). So I was hoping I would be able to read all the romances under the sun and maybe my li'l bundle will turn out a romantic like me and not like its SHOLAY loving Dad.
However, in the past 8 months, I haven't been able to keep my eyes open for more than a page of romance. Not even on those latest type of bordering-on-porn Mills and Boons. Guess what I am hooked on to? Detective novels, murder mysteries and thrillers.
I have gone through the entire Agatha Christie collection of Hercule Poirot, all the Dan Browns, Grishams, some other thrillers borrowed from friends and am now starting on Hardy Boys and Nancy Drews, which my li'l nieces and nephews have lent me. The only saving grace, according to The Husband, and which I am sure will also thrill my cultured Bengali parents and in-laws is that I have also gone through all of Satyajit Ray's detective stories of Feluda and also some Byomkesh Bakshi.
So The Husband is quite sure the li'l bundle will turn out to be either a terrorist or a criminal - as he is sure the kid won't be on the right side of the law.
Okay... Now I think I have written enough for today. There are lots of myths that are revealing themselves to me by and by. So will keep you all posted. However, one must acknowledge that not everything about pregnancy is horrible or painful.
It has it's plus points as well. Such as pampering by parents and friends.
When people come to know of your condition, the smokers leave the room.
Gifts and presents from everyone.
No one telling you not to eat (that is, if you want to eat).
Husbands realising that your hormones play up and any indication of rudeness or raising of their voice can trigger off hours and hours of tears. And come home with a dozen pink roses (a first after the first anniversary for me !! :) )
Accompanying you to Lamaze classes despite not understanding the logic of it. And taking copious notes when embarrassed by what is being discussed like Breast feeding lessons etc.
And cutting short their work related tours when your voice sounds weepy on the phone.
The husband, I have come to a conclusion, hasn't had much to deal with in this pregnancy in terms of harrassment. Which is maybe why he is already planning the second one, despite me giving him incredulous looks over my belly.
I know I have cribbed enough to last this blog a lifetime. But when I see my friends and their li'l bundles of joy giving me li'l toothy or toothless smiles, I forget all my cribs and can't wait to have one of my own.
Come on, Tina - just another month or so to go...