Joy and I at his Kolkata Party

Everyday.. I look down at my son and marvel at what perfect little creation he is ....

I say it aloud... and am rebuked by my mother who says I shouldn't say anything too good about him.. as "Nozor lege jaabe...." and proceeds to spit over his head or if by chance he has a bout of sneezees... or coughing.... she makes the maid burn some Lonkas ( Chillis) on the tava over the flame... to "cataoe the nozor"( change the evil eye)......

All this makes me look with amazement and shock at my mother ...who isn't from the boon docks.... as one in today's world would think she is from when they read this....but a very highly educated woman... an individual of repute in her own right... a University Professor...a writer.........when I confronted her with all these weird beliefs and practises... she had just one answer..... "I am Joy's grandmother...his D'shona.... . I will do whatever I can to protect him from evil....so what if you find them weird.." Well !! what does one say to that....?

This is something I have always wondered.... How can a mother's or for that matter even any parent's "nozor" be harmful to their child....? After all if we don't look out for our child then who will...If we don't admire our creation.....then no one has the right to do so either.....Why is it that when someone gets married in Bengali tradition .. the mother of neither the groom nor the bride attend the basic religious ceremony.....? Would any parent want to miss such a momentous occasion in the lives of their children...? Your child is going to be starting a new phase in his/her life....don't you want to be there to encourage and cheer them on... if not to bless them...?
Now I will not say that I only admire my son or only talk about him being amazingly amazing.....and beautiful..... I also am the first to criticise him... When he spits in my face.... when he refuses to eat.. when he yells for no reason...when he does what he is shown not to do.... I am the first one to tell him he isn't doing the right thing.... he isn't being a good boy ..or whatever....Surprisingly .. even then... I am told that I shouldn't tell him off... as that too is "nozor"..VERY STRANGE!!!

So basically, a parent isn't supposed to say anything ...good or bad about her/his child....However I think ..actually am sure this rule holds good for only the initial years , because I am positive that when the child grows up.. and misbehaves... the parents will be blamed for his/her indiscipline and rude behaviour....

Anyways.... I am a proud parent and want to show off... here are some Photographs of Joy.... see them and agree with me....

Joy in December..Yes!!! he had declared summer

Joy doing "Dushtumi"

And more "dushtumi"

Playing in his Play Gym.

P.S......I do put a Nozor teep on his forehead... Just in case... you never know.. Na?

Daddy....

We were to go and watch The Namesake over the weekend.... and I hadn't read the book till then... so I made it a point to read it ASAP....

Am glad I did....The book was fabulous.... I couldn't put it down.... I felt criminal..when I would find excuses to leave my son with the maid... just so that I could go and finish reading the book.... There were times when I would just read the words and see the whole story happen in front of my own eyes..... I could see a number of people I knew ..I loved...I missed.... in the pages of that book.....
Most of all my Father..... Daddy.....

Its been seven years since we celebrated his birthday with him......he's been gone for almost seven years now.....but even today when I go over to my mum's place... I expect to see him sitting on his chair in the living room watching cricket or chatting with someone or the other.....I still expect to be asked "Hey! T ... pour me some T..." with a grin on his face... I still expect to see him walking around the dinning table when we eat..straightenning the table mats , forks and spoons..... I still hear him call my brother "minky"....I still see him giving a look of exasperation -looking at my Dida laying out a lunch consisting of 15 different dishes when he had categorically asked her to make just two...I still hear him ask my Thakuma to make "maacher jhol with bori"... I still see him pouring himself a cup of tea at the dining table and stirring in the sugar noisely till all the sugar dissolved ..much to my irritation...I still see him playing with my lil neices and nephews.....showing them the cars that passed by... I still hear him teaching them to stand at attention and call him "commando dadu....." which in turn made my poor mother "commando thakuma" for no fault of her own.....I still see him.... hear him .....and ....feel him....

He would have been 57 on the 23rd of March....I miss him a lot.......

As I was reading The Namesake...I missed him all the more..... Jhumpa Lahiri.....took a few chapters out of my life when she wrote that book...... I immediately telephoned my brother and asked him to read the book..... knowing that he would understand what I was feeling.....

Now when I look down at my son....I miss Daddy all the more...He isn't there to play with his grandson....he isn't there to show him how to stand straight... chest out ..stomach in......he isn't there to show him the cars and race with him like he did with my brother....he isn't there to be called 'Dadu'...he isn't there to see his grandson twirl the lil lock of hair on his forehead the same way he used to do........

This year Joy sent some beautiful flowers to his Dadu on his 57th birthday.....and you aren't here to give him a hug...Daddy...... It's just not fair....

This year Ma gave an insertion for you Daddy.... it went like this...

CDR. SUBROTO GUHA

( 23.3.1950 - 19.11.2000)

It is your 57th Birthday toay. Your grandson is six months old and the apple of everyone's eyes. How sad it is that he will never know his Grandpa. We miss you at all times and wish you could share in the happiness this bundle of joy has brought to our lives.

Sameer , Trishna , Dipta, Dyujoy, Latika , Nandini

yeh..kya hua ?

Yesterday..I was home alone... the husband ..at work and the maid and lil Joy at my mum's place... spending the day....so I got a few hours to myself... to organise my life a bit at home... rest and sit alone with a book( The Namesake....wanted to read it before I saw the film) and a cup of tea....
It was heaven.....!!!

However....I also got some time to sit and just think....think about how life has changed and how priorities have changed....and how we had changed....

Life.... for starters...had changed .... We were not just the two of us anymore... We were the three of us... we were a family....Our day started much earlier than it did earlier and never seemed to end.... what with night feedings...potty.... and colic..and the lil one's bursts of energy at 3 am...

If we go out it has to be a table for 4.. not two ..not three... but four... as we need space to keep the baby's basket and all the other stuff we have to cart around wherever he goes..... Now that he is almost 7 months old...and starting to move around... and diving for whatever is in front of him.... we have to choose our places with care.... we dont want to end up paying more for the broken crockery than the meal itself...

Earlier, The husband and I would sit in our living room and admire our collection of Van Goghs ( prints.. ..what did you think?).now.... we stand next to our lil son sleeping in his cot... and admire our creation...

Earlier , a weekend for us would mean waking up late and lazing around the house ..not taking baths ...or watching back to back movies either at home or in a multiplex... Now... , a weekend for us, means waking up at the crack of dawn to clean him after his morning potty or just playing with him..., having to bath despite not wanting to... thanks to drenching ourselves while bathing him, going out to the park with him in a stroller....to show him the wonders of nature.. or just to take him outside the house...catching a film on DVD is difficult nowadays.... we have to watch the film in installments.... We have been adventurous and taken him along to watch a few films... but now that he is so fidgetty ... its getting all the more difficult...

Priorities ......have changed....earlier.. we would plan to go off on weekends just the two of us... even..now its not impossible but just a little difficult... we could earlier just go off to some place and slum it... now not possible.. the place has to be clean... baby friendly and have stuff to entertain him as well. We would plan to go for a few holidays by ourselves... now we try and visit family so that they can also get to spend time with their grandson.....and see him grow...

Earlier we saved to buy and invest in Art... now we save to invest in a bigger and more practical car....we would go and pamper ourselves with our hobbies... be it books or movies or eating out or ... even a trip to the salon.... but now.. we pamper our son... we try and give him whatever we can... whatever we want him to have... this sometimes entails us going without a few things.... but we don't think twice... This is a time when we realise how much our parents must have given up or as some say " sacrificed" for us....and value them for all that.....

Earlier ..a shopping trip would entail trips to the book shop or a designer store or a home store.... nowadays a shopping trip entails... heading to the children's section in a store...or going to a KIDS SHOP....or entering a regular grocery store and instead of enquiring about milk or eggs.. asking if the supply of pampers or lactogen had come in....

Earlier shopping would mean shopping for ourselves or gifts for friends and family now .. it is usually only for our son... and sometimes... birthday presents for his friends ... our friend's kids....I am even stocking up on certain things I like and that might only be used when he is 2 years old....

Earlier we would ask for tickets in a movie theatre ..specifying that we want the last row and towards the centre .. for better viewing.. now we ask for seats near the exit closest to the toilet....

On a flight we would ask for seats up front and a window if possible and not over the wing.......now we categorically ask for aisle seats at the back near the loo.... Earlier we flew budget airlines.. and looked at the Business class passengers thinking .. they fly this way only 'coz their company's paying for it ...

now..... We fly business class... and we pay for it ourselves... just so that we get extra room for our son and he has a more comfortable flight....

Earlier , the husband would call me every few hours to check how and what I was doing.. or just to hear my voice.. now... he calls and yes and does ask what I am doing....( I think he knows me too well... not to)...and also asks how his son is doing and what were our plans for the rest of the day...( not my plans .. please note the diplomacy)

Earlier.... we would go out partying to some hip n happenning club or bar .... now we get together with our friends who are in similar family situations at each others homes.. where we can put our respective babies to sleep and relax over a glass of wine and some chit-chat.

Earlier our conversations amongst friends would range from fashion, to politics , to cricket, to the stock market ..to social causes... now it still revolves those things...

but while we speak of fashion ..we speak of dearth of good and reasonable childrens clothing or the lack of fashionable maternity wear....and how to order good baby slings online....

when we speak of politics.. we speak of how...the entire school admission procedure has been politicised... and fear that our kids will never be able to get admission into a decent school of our choice...

when we speak of cricket.. we speak of the dismal condition of sports in India and how may be our kids should become sports commentators and journalists....

when we speak of the stock market.... we talk of putting away money or investing in plans for our kids... for their education and future.....

when we speak of social causes... we dont talk of AIDs prevention or pollution ...or judicial activism....we speak of stem cell research..and cord banking and breast milk donation.....

Yes..our lives have changed .. our priorities have changed....and how.....

Sometimes , on a particularly difficult day... I ask myself.. if it was all worth.. it...

.....then I look into the Husband's eyes across the dining table...and see the understanding....and gentle look he gives me ....when I wake up at night to find .. him patting our son back to sleep quietly ..trying not to disturb me....when he stands behind me .. and rubs my back or just says .. " come here buri.. let me give you a hug"......or makes me turn around and look at our son's excitement at spending time with us together.....

Well... yes....It is... It is worth it ... I don't mind all the changes and all the difficult times.... looking at the two most important people in my life...it is all worth it.....definitely worth it.......

It's a girl....

Yipppppeeee!!!!!
She has had a little girl........and... thank god!!!!!!!(All the pink stuff I bought for her will now be used)
and yipppeeeee!!!! once again....
am off to see my friend and to be daughter-in-law now......!!!!
Lil...Joy.....we have a bride for you now..... and the parents get along..... very rare,...... indeed...
Congrats Mad Momma , OA and lil Brat!!!

Mad Momma

One of my best friends is about the have her baby as we speak.... Have been to see her ... they hadn't wheeled her in to the OT then... but she is in now.. and we are still waiting.....
Am praying for her.... hope she has the lil girl she has been dreaming off...All the Best ! MadMomma.....

Joy of everyones lives...

Joy at 5 months

Joy and I spent two weeks in Kolkata... his Grandparents live there ( The husbands parents).
I don't think Joy and I spent even one boring moment....
Come 5 am... it was good morning time.... for everyone... the Lord was awake and not willing to lie next to his mommy quietly..... Mommy would sit with him near the french windows and show him the trees and the green leaves and the crows..( there were no other birds...)...and lil Joy would gurgle.. and chuckle away....
Come 6 am... Mommy could take it no more..and lil Joy would be deposited with his water bottle and a few toys in his grandparents room ..who welcomed him with arms wide open...
7.30 am.. Brekker time.... Banana.....he loved it.. and would lap it up..... sitting on the balcony watching the crows and pigeons fly past ...and try and figure out where all the noise he was hearing was coming from.... the traffic and the other everyday street sounds were quite fascinating...
8.30 am... after giving his Grandfather a toothless smile.. he would take a 2 hour nap.....I slept too.... ( one of the rare luxuries..)
The Nap would be followed by a maalish and bath and another nap....
The afternoons would be lazy and spent with his grandparents or my aunts and grandmother.....
Evenings would mean shopping or visiting relatives.... lots of fun...
Joy spent a lot of time with some of the Husbands family members.... I thought I would write about his time spent with them ..

His Grandfather : Dadu : My father-in-law ...Joy's Grandfather is a fun loving person... he is a work-a-holic ( according to my Mother -in-law) who enjoys good food and loves to meet up with his friends at the club....This trip saw him return early for lunch ... as well as in the evening, so that he could spend time with his grandson.... spend a few minutes with him before his afternoon nap and also spend half an hour in the evening before Joy would go to sleep at night. I would be narrated stories of The husband's childhood at the breakfast table....and would see the pride my father -in-law had in his eyes when he spoke of his son.... and it would amuse me to see that pride... turn in to pride and joy when he would speak of his grand son.....

one lil incident is worth narrating.... The husband was once giving his son ..who must have done something silly... like spit out his food or refuse to open his mouth during a feed..... or something...a talking to and said something like " if you don't listen to me ... I will pull your ears.." and immediately there was a voice from the other room which could be heard which said... " remember that there is someone to pull ears around as well...."....cute.... na?

Joy and his Dadu

His Grand mother : Nammi : My Mother-in-law...: If there is anyone who loves The husband more than me ....it is my mother-in-law... he is her "sunshine"....or so she says....LOL....( Will let my sis-in-law comment on that)....Well.. Joy's Grandmother took it upon herself to give nicknames to everyone.... as in what Joy was to call everyone.... ( the husbands family has this penchant of giving everyone in the family nicknames...which makes it very confusing for a newcomer... am still a little lost when I meet people in Kolkata or when people are referred to in conversations.....) Anyways She named herself " Nammi".... when asked the logic.. she said ..."Thamma or Thammi was difficult for lil kids to say ...so she would simplify it to Nammi...so Nammi she is ... Joy loves his Nammi... she sings to him ..she shows him lil birdies ( she can identify other birds apart from the crow ... unlike...Ahem!!) She can do baby talk for hours on end...She is amazing at needle work.. and has made lil pillow cases and woollen sets for Joy....She was ever willing to babysit...Joy and his Nammi would spend the evening sitting on the balcony watching the world go by....

Joy and his Nammi

His Great Grand father : Boro dadu : My Grand Father-in-law : This is one gentleman whom I am in awe of.... he is gentle.. kind..knowledgable...learned.... a doctor... who does not belive in prescribing more than half a crocin or a lil boroline.... for various ailments and bruises.... who calls me up once a week to check on how I am doing .... who never wants to speak to his grandson.. though he loves him dearly.... he says " I have spoken to you... you are ok and happy.. so my grandson will be the same... I do not need to speak with him..." so sweet....
He is also quite amused at becoming a great grandfather..I remember the first trip to Kolkata with Joy ... he visited as soon as we arrived and the first thing he did was a full examination of Joy... and assured himself and me .... of Joy being healthy....and having all body parts...
It would fill my eyes with tears of joy to see him sit on a chair and see this lil bundle of Joy roll around on the bed in front of him... all the while .. having a conversation with me...
This Gentle man and I share a special bond.. not only have I married his most favourite and first grandson ... but that I also surprised him by being able to stand my own and chat with him when all the other grandchildren are a little afraid of him....He would through my pregnancy call me and ask how I was doing and what all I was eating and if I was being looked after well or not..He would follow the news seriously.... and whenever there was any storm... rain.... cold wave....political unrest... etc.. he would call to ask if we were all right....he even called once to ask if my taps had running water... he had just heard about the water shortage in Delhi... SO..CUTE..!!!!

Joy and his Shona Ma and Boro Dadu

His Great Grandmother: Shona Ma : My Grand mother-in-law : The Husband and I call her D'shona.... my mother liked the sound of the nickname so much that as soon as Joy was born .. she announced ... that now I am Joy's D'shona...LOL...and she insists on being called just that....
As I was saying.... The Husband and I used to joke about how there was the RCFC..Roon Chaudhuri Fan Club... and the President was his grand mother and Chairman was his Grand father... and how now that I was around.... they were threatening to switch allegiance.....all except his grandmother...
She is the only one even till date... who first enquires about her Grandson before her Great Grandson......She dotes on lil Joy.....is always praying to the Gods for his welfare....and good..

The Husband's mother's younger sister : Muma : I shall not mention the pet name given to her.... I don't think she likes it too much....lol.... this grandmother of Joys is my favourite.. she is very like me .. Bindaas... loves shoes and bags... a funny incident... happened just after I had entered their home as a new bride.. I had just entered and was being blessed by some of the elders... when I went back to wear my shoes .. I could find them no where..... they were later found on Muma's feet.... she said... the temptation at seeing new shoes was something she couldn't resist.... so what if the shoes belonged to the new bride of the house... lol...Now Muma and I gift each other pairs of shoes...it works well for both of us... Well!!! .. this Grandmother of Joys would visit almost everyday.. whenever... she could get away she would come over to see Joy and play with him....

Joy and Muma

His Ronnie kaku : the Husbands cousin... my brother-in-law: this BIL of mine is very dear.. he is my partner in crime when it comes to running off to eat Puchkas...listening to music.... teasing each other...going shopping...arriving with Rolls... whenever I would wish for them to appear.... He was also the most amazing Kaku.... he would drop in to check on his nephew.... carry him around... play with him... lie next to him... sleep on his nephews lil pillow whenever it wasn't being used...he even tried to teach Joy how to walk......I captured it on camera... a lovely pic...

Joy and Ronnie Kaku

The Husbands mother's youngest sister : Golu : What else can I say... ? She gets the news from god knows where... we are still to fathom her sources.. but she manages to call always at the right time and with the right information.... She watches NDTV india and AAJTAK sitting in Baku, Azerbaijan and Aberdeen, Scotland....and calls up as soon as rain starts in Delhi asking if I have managed to get the clothes in from the veranda...... she is just amazing...
About her and Joy... I shall only say...She bought out the entire Mothercare store in both Baku and Aberdeen.. need I say more...

Ronty Kaku and Munia bua : The Husbands cousins : My brother-in-law and lil sis-in-law : They were some of the first people I met from the Husbands family and interacted closely... I actually went and lived with them for a few days before i got married.....we had fun..... Munia was just 8 years old.... I was quite tickled at being her "boudi" and she at being my" nanad".... Both Ronty and Munia...were so amazed to see Joy that they couldn't stop smiling for their entire trip to Delhi....They were thrilled at being uncle and aunt....
Munia and The Husband have a 20 year age difference....Munia and Joy have a 12 year age difference... No guesses who will get along with whom better...

Joy and Ronty kaku

Joy and Munia Bua

The Husband's father's sister: Pishimoni: Joy's Didon: Our visit to Kolkata would have her arriving with hot samosas and jalebis for her nephew and I and she would sit and chat with us... Now being elevated to the position of a Grand mother.... she was quite kicked...Joy seemed to like being carried by her as well.... She managed to put him to sleep a number of times...

Joy and his Didon

Joy is really blessed to have so many people who love him so much.....

Joy and His Ma and Baba

His first grain of rice

The three of us at Joy's Annaprashan

In Bengal it is a tradition to feed a baby his/her first grain of rice... after 6 months... its like an initiation into solid foods....
There is however a weird.... rule... for boys they are fed rice between 5-6 months and girls are fed rice at around 7 months..... god knows why....?????? I have been curious... do the food pipes differ for girls and boys.... anyways... it doesn't matter....most babies I know are on cerelac or some kind of semi solid food by 4 months anyways.. and the rice-ceremony is just a custom and is quite cute.....I have come to the conclusion that in India .....irrespective of religion .... we just need an occassion to celebrate.... be it a birth, naming ceremony, rice ceremony, upnayan, wedding,anniversary etc......not to count birthdays,festivals,rains,summer, winter,spring and autumn......
Anyways.... Joy's Rice ceremony..... it is called Annaprasan or Mukhebhat in Bangla... meaning "entry of grain" and "rice in mouth"resp.
Traditionally this ceremony is carried out in the child's paternal home where the maternal uncle is invited to feed the child his/her first grain of rice. In our case, The Husbands home is in Kolkata...so we had the ceremony there....
Joy being the first child in his generation( there is one a lil older than him.. but abroad...hence he is the eldest).....was given special treatment....
When The husband and I realised the scale at which the ceremony had been planned in Kolkata ....we immediately called up my in-laws and asked them if had lost their minds.....only to be curtly told off...." He is our first grandson"......when we persisted.....we were given logic...."he is our first grandson...since we are not Brahmans... we do not have a thread ceremony...which is celebrated in a grand way.....and we have doubts about our being there for his wedding.... so for us ....this is a BIG thing......hence... large and lavish ceremony it will be...." and it was....

There was a coctail and dinner hosted for friends and family at The Royal Calcutta Golf Club....it was beautifully done... round tables with blue ribbons , blue and white balloons..flowers and little rice lights all over...it looked gorgeous.....just like a wedding.

The Husband seeing the blessings of our Ancestors

The husband and I sitting down with Joy for the Puja

The next morning was the actual religious ceremony....it started off with a Puja done to seek the blessings of the ancestors both The husbands and mine....for our little Joy... The husband sat and did the whole puja.. which went on for almost 3 hours...

Joy and I.....watching the Puja

Then a "totto" came from his mamabari "mothers house" ..which looked like what is sent during a wedding...with a "topor".....and dhoti kurta and mojri...etc...silver and gold etc....chocolates and cookies everything....

Joy's Totto......it looked so good...

His mama..my brother...was there to feed him his first grain of rice...in the form of a payesh..rice pudding....

The Husband, Joy and his Mama.....getting ready for the rice ceremony

He's done it....Joy eating his first morsel of rice

The other symbolic part of the ceremony is the picking of an item to indicate the child future... So a silver plate is placed in front of the child... containing 5 elements like Maati...soil for property,shona/taka...gold/money for wealth,kalam ..pen for learning, dharam pustak...the Gita for religious minded and grain for agriculture .. or something of that sorts...

Well any child at the age of 6 months will lunge for anything placed before him/her.... so well so did our Joy... and he picked GOLD... The husband and I were quite relieved... "good for him.. his priorities are right from the beginning... " was the look we exchanged....He will hopefully do better than us... Both of us picked the "Pen" ..hence...our sad state of affairs....

Joy about to pick up something from the tray

He picked it up.... he picked up GOLD.... Smart boy!!

There was also this huge lunch laid out for the close family who attended the ceremony.....

Food laid out for Joy... which his Mama has to finish....

Joy's Great Grandmas......

The happiest of them all : The Husband's Grand parents......

The Husband.... Me and Our SON.......

I have been a Mom for 6 months now....

This is March 2007, this time last year..we moved to Delhi.... I was three months pregnant......expecting JOY.....

I am a woman, a daughter, a sister and a wife... and six months ago... I became a mother...!!!!

This is one experience no one is ready for ... no one knows what to expect.... no one knows NOTHING ... not until you have become one yourself...
and ...
It doesn't stop there.....
Everyday...I learn something new about myself....
.... be it patience,intuition,foresight,tenderness ...
not everything is good...
.....I have also learnt that I can be and am very short tempered,a nag,irritable and sarcastic...( all the latter am sure The Husband will vouch for ..) ( My reasonning.... anybody will be all that... if they are sleep deprived...harrassed...lack adult company for 20 hours of the day( except for the maid).
For those who have read my earlier posts on pregnancy.....will know I spoke about the myths of pregnancy .... the myths and the reality....
Well !!! Being a mother is completely different ball game....
Oh! yes ... the advice from all over still flows in... on any and everything.....and yes... most of it .. helps.... experience does count... but still every child is different and every mother is different as well...
more so every parent brings up their child with best intentions and each style of parenting is unique and different..
Keeping in style with my post of myths and reality.... i shall try and sort through some of ther advice given and taken.... as well as put down some pointers for future parents ( mind you - this is not ADVICE) .

1: Don't leave home or even better your room for 40 days..... O-k-.....What about those who need to go back to work?.... What about those couples who don't have a support system?... There are some chores that need to get done like bank work...bills.... provisions....doctor visits....who will do those? Some fathers may need to travel on work or otherwise....so then who will hold fort....? ( Don't tell me that the father needn't travel.... well he has to work... of the mom is at home or on leave....some one has to make the money.... and don't tell me .. money isn't important.. IT IS ... we have to eat....we have to live.... our lives have been turned topsy turvy as it is with the new addition..... so some sanity and semblence is needed...some stability...hence daddy has to go to office...) So basically.... 40 days of quarantine....may be good for the child..may be good for the mother as she gets to rest....... but doesn't always work....

2: The mother should eat bland food.....the reason given is that the milk should not get spicy and harm the child....well...My doc categorically told us that the food I ate would not harm or affect my child.... he said ..however some foods could be avoided coz they might cause indigestion ....for me.....Anyways... in the first month or so... the new parents are so awkward.. and don't have a clue about a thing....so eating themselves is the last priority.... however... once a routine sets in.. and you start to treat your lil angel like a person and not a porcelain doll....gorging starts full time....it did for me... I was feeding so often... that I was perpetually hungry...if there was anything edible in front of me... I would eat it .
I met a few friends last night who are reed thin.... after babies... unlike me....who said that their hunger pangs had not happened... and that they hadn't felt the urge to gorge.... well...that didn't happen to me... Joy got a few stomache aches.. but not due to my food... but just colic... something almost all children get.

3.You will become slim if you breastfeed :Ahem!.... no such luck... am breast feeding and am FAT.

4. Don't worry about your figure.... running behind your child will be exercise enough... : What exercise...? Ok.. I do almost everything for Joy.. from his feeds to his maalish to his bath and cleaning routine and putting him to sleep.......my maid.. organises and arranges everything.....before I start the task.... so its not much of an effort.... Its something like someone cutting and washing the vegetables and arranging all the spices and masalas before the actual cooking begins.... then all one needs to do is stir.... easy.... not much effort... So similarly... not much effort....
also....
what running around....?....Why should I run around... when one has two part time and one full time helper in the house.. why should I need to run around?...so I don't.... hence no exercise in that way... hence am FAT....

Ok! ok!....no more cribbing......



I will however also talk about some of the good advice I got and took....

1.Sleep whenever you can : Well initially I thought that was easier said that done... how can one just go and sleep whenever your baby sleeps... doesn't one need to run the house.. supervise the help.. run errands etc.....? Well.... in the past month I have realised that everything is possible if one tries.... I was lucky I went to Kolkata to my in-laws for 10 days ... over there I didnt need to do much ..so whenever Joy slept I did too.... and boy did it make a difference... Not only was Joy sleeping longer...maybe it was my body warmth that kept him asleep.... god knows..! Now that am back.... I have been maintaining the sleep cycle for Joy and even though I can't sleep al the time... I do make it a point to sleep next to him in the afternoon... the two hour nap.. does me a world of good and gives me the energy I require for the night.

2. Make a routine and try and stick to it..: Another pearl of wisdom....when I had mentioned this to another cousin... She laughed at me and said "with kids you can't have a set routine"....BUt another knowledgable sister.... urged me to try and make a timetable.... and follow it ... Ihave and I found it amazing. It takes a while to set.... It took me a week to formulate .... lots of trials and errors happened..now we sort of have a routine... we have also been able to identify .. signs given by joy which indicate sleep, hunger and uneasiness.... as well as tantrums , potty , and jealousy( the last one has been quite an eye opener). So Now Joy has set feed timings and sleep timings as well as a set time for his bath... This has not only made life better for him but also for me and the rest of the household.

3. Both parents must reach a consensus on parenting technique : It is very important for both parents to agree on what has to be done and what should be done... they should be in sync about parenting techniques and strategies. It will be disastrous if one parent says A and the other says B. Kids are very smart .... they know exactly what to do in such situations and how to play up one against the other as well as .. which parent to go to in which situations. This consensus is also important when it comes to dealing with unsolicited advice and opinions expressed by elders and other nosy and know-it-all family members and friends.


4. Look for the most convenient methods and not be too demanding :We were told that diapers should not be used... we didn't listen...we tried all the age old methods of cloth diapers and all.. but it drove us nuts.... we ended up changing sheets and clothes through the night.... and in the bargain were exhausted and got no sleep ever... and also.. our son was fed up and cranky. We decided to use diapers and keep him in the diapers through out the day.. changing him completely every 4 hours... and also changing immediately whenever he needed it. Ok! so we spend a lot on diapers... but the money spent becomes irrelevant when you consider the amount of relief and peace it brings you. And yes ! our son did get a nappy rash once a week after being born.... we used a good nappy rash cream and that was that.....

5. Do not bundle the baby up as if he is in Antarctica : Our good doctor..was very good....he said the baby should wear the same number of layers worn by the parent and especially the father....along with one wrap.Children are heaty as it is... they sweat a lot and feel warm all the time. So if we go over board with the warm clothes.. the chances of the child getting a cold are very high..not due to the exposure to the cold but because of catching the cold due to over sweating and staying in damp clothes.








Now to give some general pointers....





1) Chill!!! Every mother is a first time mother at some point of time.....so everyone learns what to do and what not to do..... either through mistakes or just by chance and instinct.





2) For both parents the rule of the thumb should be follow your first instinct.... usually gutt feeling is the right feeling





3)Take time off as a couple even if it is for a walk or a cup of coffee or just sit in another room and chat...watch a silly film or just sit together in silence and read your own books or read a book together.





4) Try and get a good support system in place..be it helpers around the house...parents and family close by.....medical facilities within 10 minutes.....a good and reliable doctor.





Ok! I think I have cribbed enough.... given a lot of "Gyan" ( despite vowing not to give any advice).....etc..


So let me now change the topic and write another post.... and leave you with a few photographs of Joy..

Joy sitting up in his cot....He is the future rockstar in the making or so his T-shirt says..

I love this picture......round face....and toothless smile..and still very little hair