Monday, August 28, 2006


Since I have become pregnant, I have started valuing the relationship I share with my mom and also with my mom-in-law.

My Mom has all the qualities a mother should possess.
She is caring, can anticipate all my needs, can guess what is wrong or right just from the tone of my voice, listens patiently to all my weird ideas and also all my tantrums and complaints. But that never stops her from ticking me off when i go out of hand (which is pretty often) or become unreasonable.
Despite being a career academician and a writer, despite being bogged down with classes and academic meetings, despite being chased by editors and deadlines, despite being tormented by a machine called the computer which keeps hanging and software which suddenly makes hours of typing with two fingers vanish - she still finds the time to look after a pregnant daughter who lives close by, a mother-in-law who is aging (and suddenly not herself anymore) and a 25 year old son.
This list does not include a list of relatives and different groups of friends who can't live without her. Sometimes I wonder how she manages it all and also keep her sanity.

Though hints of "losing it" are becoming evident. For example, she went for a movie one evening with an aunt and a friend and suddenly I get SMSs from her asking "Are you alright?" I got this SMS three times wondering what was wrong. I call her back to find she was frantic, as she had a few missed calls from "the plumber" and, in the darkness of the cinema, read it as the nursing home. Thank God, she did'nt call the plumber asking if I had delivered or whether my contractions had started... Can you imagine his expression ?

She has also gone completely overboard shopping for her to-be-grandchild. When The Husband and I protest we get brushed off with "It's going to be my first grandchild, so both of you don't have a say".

Between her and my grandmom, The Husband is now finally getting a hard time. Something he never expected, 'cos he being the son-in-law was getting used to being the reincarnation of god on earth.
The minute he mentions a tour, my grandmother (I call her Thakuma, my dad's mum) looks at him with these very worried eyes and her expression is priceless. She is quite certain that he won't be there when the D-day happens.
My mum just gives him one of those "I will kill you" look which is followed by a look which says, "Don't leave us alone with her. Only you can handle her. We have tried for so many years and have actually given up".

Losing my Dad suddenly hit us all badly. Not only was our family young... my brother and I were both studying. And my mum had just started to enjoy a life without the tensions of childrens exams and my dad suddenly had started showing his romantic side by sending her flowers on their anniversary, shocking both my brother and I who were away in a different city. Both my brother and I would not have made it if it hadn't been for Mum. She took over and didn't let our lives get disrupted any more than it had already. We both went on to finish our studies and never felt the absence of Dad expect for his physical presence. He was in the Merchant Navy, so I guess we just thought of him as away at Sea.

My mother organised my wedding in the grand scale that it would have been done if Dad had been there, despite my fretting over all the expenses. She wouldn't let me get involved. She helped me find The Husband, who is my perfect match. I am eternally grateful to her for that.
I am grateful to her and my Dad for bringing my brother and I up the way they have. I think they would be proud of how we have turned out.
My brother makes me glow with pride. He is the perfect gentleman - caring, responsible and wise. He is controlled and sensible in his dealings with the family, friends and I see his pals swear by him.
The little things he does - like on hearing of a classmates mom or dad passing away, he would quitely go and meet his friend and be there with him/her.
Speak at a condolence meeting for a teacher or relative or someone known to him.
Patiently answer all my Thakuma's queries about all the girls in his life... with a straight face.
Call me once a day to see how I was.
Buy a car and gift it to my mum and drive her old about-to-collapse car instead.
Surprise my Mum with a new television in her bedroom, especially after she had been watching TV for the past five years in only two colours.
Drop in and take me for a walk or a gellato, when the Husband was away on tour
Give the husband a searching and warning look whenever i seemed unhappy with something.
All these makes me so proud of him and the way he has turned out.
Once when I was visiting home just after the wedding, The Husband didn't think it important to call and speak with me everyday. It just didn't occur to him, now that i know him well enough. It was quite natural. He had lived alone for 28 years of his life without having to make such "missing you" phone calls.
My brother noticed my sad expression and spoke with his brother-in-law giving him a piece of his mind (this was a 20-year old talking to a 28-year old - mind you!), saying he hadn't seen his sister cry earlier and didn't expect to see her do so now that she was married.
I was so touched and The Husband was quite foxed, not knowing what to say. I think that talking to worked. I get called by the Husband multiple times during the day now and sometimes "Just to speak with you"... and it makes me so happy.

Thank you brother dear... And thank you mom for making us the way we are...

1 comment:

the mad momma said...

we have had this conversation before.... we are truly blessed to have the mothers we do... and yeah, i hope our kids feel the same way about us 30 years from now!